Got stuck not an being effective communicator
"I told you the other day that I met somebody and that I was going to work really hard to get him out of my head because he ghosted me. The update: it's going very well!! It's been only a week since I met him and I already think of him less and less! Gosh, I am so proud of myself!! I have never got over a guy so quickly in my life!! It's like magic and I am so happy!!
...This "guy" experience and my continuous self-help reading makes me question why he ghosted me in the first place. Of course, there can be so many reasons and I can never know what he is really thinking. But I do know what I think and now I am going to share this with you: one of my pet peeves is taking too much when I meet a new person. And why is that??
First, very often I meet people who are as insecure and uneducated in the subject of effective communication as myself. So, it becomes like a boxing match: who can say more about themselves and NOONE is really listening to each other. A lot of times it's me who is not fully present and not truly listening and then I wonder why I always get let down. Not for much longer!! I am speaking this into existence: "I listen to people very well regardless of what they are saying and in return they love and respect me and want to be around me again." This change in my listening skills is really happening already, just not with that guy in the moment I met him.
The way I talked to him was like a real lunatic: non-stop talking about my whole life story, my business, my interests and even my future plans?? All in about 3 - 15 minutes increments of time. I surely about damn lost my mind...again. I wonder I never can meet a decent VERY successful guy. Don't get me wrong: I do meet them sometimes. This guy was that. I just can't think straight when I am around them and say not necessarily the dumbest sh*t, just too much of all that I have ever had going on all at once. And it obviously doesn't work!! Instead of saying my usual: "When will I ever learn??" I say starting this second: "I am learning right now!!!"
I believe successful guys can see this insecurity of mine right through. Some guys may look at it as vulnerability and like me because they feel sorry for me, but for the most part they may look at me like: "she is batshit crazy!" I am maybe a little bit. BUT remember, I am changing starting right now!
Here is what I have just learned from my daily reading (the very reason for this post) is that you must learn to be and eventually become so confident in yourself that you become less anxious and more self-aware. Bingo!! I could not have said it better at this moment. Of course, you can work on your deep breathing and pauses between your lines. But it's so hard when anxiety gets on your way and you really have no idea who you become at the moment of talking: a talkative broken machine who is stuck on the loop. This is exactly who I was with that guy.
Now looking back (mind you these short conversations with him happened only one week ago) I don't think he is super secure in himself either because no matter what I said he always was so quick to say something back. Yes, it maybe called a conversation. But the lighting speed he responded to everything I was saying makes me think that he may have some work to do in becoming a better listener and being more present as well. I know I do.
Here you have it: a lesson learned from my reading and very much confirmed in the situation with this guy or any guy I'll meet after this. I must be less anxious and more self-aware. I must be less anxious and more self-aware. I must be less anxious and more self-aware. I say it three times to let it sink in because it's a lot easier said than done. On my own I believe I am totally calm and self-aware. When I meet a person who is not giving me anxiety I am totally confident. But with this guy or any other person who makes me nervous to be around them I have sooo much more work to do.
It may start with a simple affirmation for me repeated over and over every day: "I am not anxious and I am very self-aware!!!" Will see if it works. No!! It has to work and it is going to work because I can't let people think that I am an idiot because I can't listen to them or be fully present in the conversation. Right after writing this I am going to deep breath for 10 minutes because just thinking about the way I talk too much to people gives me anxiety. Can you imagine how much anxiety it may give to people who are around me?? Let's not think about that.
I hope you have learned something today reading this because all I want is to help you be happy in all aspects of life. And if you think that having a good conversation or even meeting the right guy/girl is a little hard for you right now, try being calmer and more self-aware. It may help you. It may not. But at least you tried." Marina Amdream.