Notice it's not sex...

"Notice it's not sex... Every time and "luckily" it's only the second time during my motivational speaking career I have had a failed relationship I get to work!!! I get to work with myself analyzing every last detail that went wrong to share it with you and, of course, to do better next time. I can't fathom the idea that the reason my last relationship went wrong was because I didn't know enough about how relationships work. I have studied hours and hours on this subject after my divorce to find out what went wrong and here I am again in a similar situation again - alone and heartbroken. Why?? I guess, I have not learned enough yet and also, it's not all about me...

The person who I was trying to be friends with is not in a happy state all the time like I am. For him in his own words "life is suffering." For me "life is euphoria!" The difference in outlook on life is one of many things we ended not having in common. Mistake I made I continued talking to that in his words "clinically depressed" individual hoping I could make him in some way happy. I didn't because in his own words "only he can me himself happy." Why doesn't he make himself happy every day and chooses to be sad and angry is not my place to answer? I can only speak for myself. I wished the best for that person and still do. But that person didn't want to accept my wishes or good deeds for him. The result I am the one to blame for talking to that person for as long as I did where I should have moved on long time ago. That way I would not feel as hurt as I feel right now...

It brings me to today's point. A recent revelation that I have just learned from someone is that "we look for a relationship to magnify our human emotion!!" If I was a very happy person before I met that man (which I was), I automatically was looking for him to magnify what I already felt. I wanted him or any man I ever meet in the future to make me even happier that I already am. If they can't, they are not the ones for me..

What happened with that person was because he was so depressed and negative all the time he made me sad, so so sad!! I could not understand why I was feeling so anxious around him. Well, I see why now. Because he was worried, stressed and hostile for the most part of the day, it started to rub off on me. Because he was so negative he had more problems in his life in a month and half I have known him than I have had in a whole year of a pandemic!! Imagine the magnitude of his dramatic life just because he chose to be negative. By being that way he attracted problems over and over to himself. What a way to live??

It was suffocating to me! I started worrying too, sleeping worse, doing less of what I love, cleaning less and I even had a full blown panic attack because of him not answering my phone for a few days?? Why didn't he answer?? He had problems. Let's put it this way.

This relationship taught me a lot. And I hope this man does find happiness after all with someone or because of something. As for me my quest for deeper meaning of how relationships work continues. What I have learned from my divorce and from this man will make me a better woman in a relationship next time. Will there be a next time? Not anytime soon. I think like about 10% of the population. It's going to take me awhile to meet that man from top 10%. Maybe one day. You think?" Marina Amdream. P.S. Like what you read? Shop MarinaAmdream.com for all the inspirational gear I design to allow me to write even more blog posts like these.