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So he/she corrupted your mind?

"I met someone. In fact I really met someone who has messed me up for 4 days now. Who is this guy who makes me nervous, anxious, worried and all in between?? He makes me rebellious, stubborn and even angry at the same time?? What is going on that was not happening 4 days ago?? I don't like these feelings at all. I want them to stop because they interfere with my business routine!!! And I don't let anyone mess up my business!! But how can he be just who he is?? How can he??

The fact is none of this was my plan. I had 3 video interview cancellations this week. I was going through literally my last messages on Facebook and he was right there because I talked to him about possibly speaking at my event. I never met him!! So, I just messaged him for the video interview not thinking anything about it and now I am all messed up in the head!! If not my last minute video cancellations, I probably would never even message him!!! Why is this happening to me now??

Why do I think about him way too often?? And where is he?? Mia and not answering my messages as very usually men do. Is he married, has a girlfriend or boyfriend?? I don't care at this point because I need to get him out of my head asap!! It's getting too much for me when I need to focus on my first love - my business!! Has he corrupted my mind?? Oh no, not again because at my age even a slight possibility of this makes me just angry!!

"Stop thinking about him!!" I tell myself all the time now. I visualise other things because I already let myself down and fantasied some love scenes in my head with him in hopes to make me feel better for a moment. No, it only made me feel worse because it made me want more of him... all of him. No!! I must stop, so I am stopping right now...

Even me writing this is part of my therapy to get this guy out of my head!! I don't need a guy who ghosts me. I am the prize!! I am worth the best treatment a man can give a woman. If he doesn't see how amazing I am from the start, that's his fault!! But, man who is this guy?? I literally talked to him only for two days of my life?? Me now being a stupid woman imagining things... Hate being a woman because of this. I wish I never knew how to fantasise a close moment with someone. So, I make myself stop!! STOP!!

...The reason I am sharing with you these awfully raw and real thoughts is to show you, first, that I am human and secondly, is how I deal with the situation when I must not let a man or anyone else mess up my success. Especially, a man who seem like doesn't give a damn about me. Talk about these pretty boys who are so full of himself... Damn it, that's the very reason I think I like him, BUT I am going to do something with myself that is unthinkable for me. I have never done this before: push away someone from my head at a lighting speed. Can I even do that??

Usually I would dwell on someone I like even for a year, fantasise sex scenes with him every night and just go to bed superficially satisfied. Then I would write to him never answered messages and then eventually after so much pain of rejection I would finally get over him. Then I would meet someone else and do it all over again and again and again... NOT THIS TIME!!

For the first time in my life I am in a total control of my mind and from my understanding this kind of obsession over someone who doesn't give a damn about you is soooo unhealthy and, frankly, unproductive. This time I am not going to let this good looking, smart, successful man with the kindest energy get to me. Damn it, it's so hard because I am not used to pushing away someone I am so attracted to from my mind so early after meeting him. I know I will see him at least two more times in my life at meetings and that will be the wrap. So, I must let him go now!!.... Gosh, it's so hard!! BUT I am a different person now who knows what's best for her like no other. And this fake sh*t in my head has to go because it's really messing up.

Here is what I am going to do: READ, read so much like my life depends on it. WORK, work so much like my life depends on it, focus on my own happiness, FOCUS on it like my life depends on it... And every time, I think of him, I am automatically going to stop myself and think of something else. I am actually pretty excited to see how this is going to work because usually I completely give myself to the men of my past. NOT THIS TIME!!! I am free to be happy with him or without him. And this is the joy and the reason of my existence!! Yours?" Marina Amdream. P.S. Shop my store >


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