When failure comes

Yesterday I failed badly... And today right now I simply don't know what to do. I want to go back to that moment when I was so excited to perform on stage at my first ever rap battle. But I failed myself miserably and the sad part about it is that I had no control over it or did I...?

You are probably wondering what am I talking about?? Well, as I said above I was going to perform yesterday at this amazing lounge and a few minutes before the show I started having a headache. I sat in my car hoping that it was going to go away. Well, little did I know that I was about to have one of the worst headaches of my life that would cause me throw up several times later at home... Because I am foreign and live a life in a different language I get these terrible headaches from time to time. I just can't believe it had to happen last night when I looked my best, felt my best and was ready to win this rap battle hands down.. But I didn't even get a chance to perform because I simply was not able physically. Makes me cry thinking about it... I may even put this experience in the song... I only put experiences in my songs that really touched me or shook me. Well, this one definitely is a song worthy because it shook me to the core.

Where do I go from here?? Will I ever have another chance? Of course, I will. But right now at this moment the world seems like ending. Oh, if you only knew how sad I feel right now... This rap career of mine is my last biggest dream in life because I am a middle aged woman. I want it to work out so bad. But man, it's hard. It's hard enough to write, memorize, record, promote and perform the actual raps (my part). But there are so many others aspects that go into it: like physically feeling well, working with hundreds of people to put on shows, traveling, financing and much more.

Will I ever be able to go to the top?? (I am crying right now). Will I ever become one of the greatest rappers that has ever lived...? I want to. I know I have what it takes. I have God on my side! If nothing else, I have God always with me. Oh God, but why He had to let me fail so badly yesterday, I would never know... Maybe so I could write this post to help and inspire someone else to keep going. It's all I can think of right now.

What's next for me after this personal epic failure?? Reaching out to all the people who came out to support me and apologize for not being able to perform. Talking with the event promoter and asking him give me another chance one day. Hopefully he will. And, of course, write, rap and practice for hours and hours when no one is watching. This is what I have been doing all along. The amount of work I put into my rap behind the scenes is huge... I was just so hoping to finally show it to the world last night. And it hurts like hell knowing that I failed over simply not feeling good...

Oh well, as they would say: "devil is trying stop me, but he won't!!" I have already failed America't Got Talent auditions 3 times, was rejected to perform at a club one time by the meanest manager and now this. I guess it's just a part of the process. If I want to go to the top, I must go through all these challenges, right? I feel like the Universe wants all future winners to go through unimaginable trials, so when we get there, I mean WHEN WE REALLY GET THERE it will will feel so earned and so well deserved. My failed yesterday's moment is just a price I have to pay to sell out those arenas that I know I will one day! How?? I don't know yet. But every failure and every victory I have is propelling me closer to my dream of becoming one of the most world known rappers in the world. And I am not letting anyone or anything stop me. Call it "my determination!" I am always in competition with myself. So, let's go again!!

...What are you doing with your life?? Are you letting failures stop you? Or are using them as opportunities to grow and move you forward? If one thing you picked today from this post is "Don't ever give up!!" When failure comes cry like I did, take time to think about it, but don't stay sad for a long time. Get up and try again and again and again... That's what I do..." Marina Amdream. Like this? Shop MarinaAmdream.com for all the inspirational gear I design to support my writing efforts. Thank you!💕